Time flies - 4 years

wow its been nearly 4 years since i last blogged..time sure flies..4 years I am a much matured sensible person now (i guess, i hope :-) )

when i first started blogging it was for attracting followers and i wanted to be all popular and cool and in fad but 4 years from then, things look a little different..i still wanna be popular (like a high school teenager which is stupid of course) but who doesn't wanna be known, liked, have followers.. its just the way we are made i guess..50 years from now, I think i will still be the same, same me etched under a stone..

i am still hoping somewhere in the deepest of deep corners of my heart that my blog becomes like super popular..but yes coming back to the little changed person i.e me post 4 years, i am trying less to be a wannabe and do something just for myself and not for anyone else..

that means i am going to stop googling for sophisticated classy words which makes me look oh so cool, oh so american..

i am here now to write what i feel, what i want to and not care what others would think of me, my english and what not..

i came back to blogging after my roommate suggested I put all my thoughts and day to day happenings in a blog for my future kids and grand kids and I thought I should do it for myself if not for my kids and grand kids (which may or may not happen)

I have moved to a new job now after being a slave to my previous and first job for lie 7 years..I am utterly grateful to my old job for giving me a ticket to live the american dream and then I decided that its about time I move on to something better and interested and of course try and earn a little more..
so here I am, in a room in north bay, a small oh so sophisticated place for the ones who have earned millions and wanna settle down somewhere classy and snobbish..

I haven't sensed snobbishness first hand but yeah the air reeks of it..It an all out american community and being an indian feels like landing in a whole new universe totally..I live in a constant feeling of people judging me and looking down on me..No one's actions have revealed that yet but I guess its all in my crazy little head..
I haven't yet seen or met anyone Indian here yet and it feels so so different from my south bay life..
my south bay life was mini india..everywhere indians and everyone indian..seeing an asian also makes you feel connected to india..its the feeling that we all are here from asia trying to live the american drream, trying to carve a small space in this amazing amazing american world..

my american roommate who by the time is a middle aged widower asks me whats so amazing in america..with the plunging economy, crazy shootings everywhere whats so wonderful about living the american dream and I have only one thing to say to her "you have had it all being born an american"..
I have dreamed my whole life coming to america, meeting an american, staying with them..
am I so obsessed living the american life or do all of us crave for this?? Is this just a crazy phase that will pass and then I would want to go back to India.. I dont think so..I see so many indians around who keep saying India is so much better than america and that why was I so crazy of living the american way, for all such people I have just one question to ask "why dont you go back to India then? Why you still here, trying to get your green card and citizenship? " ( ok that was way more than a question).

Ok I will come back to this again later. I was waiting on an email from work and now I need to go back to working (thats what I do better than the rest :) )

I will see ya tomorrow..