Me and my tryst with OKRA

It has been nearly 3 years since I bid goodbye to my brother and ex-boy friend and his family in India and took the emirates flight to the American world. I still remember the day I was flying out. My dad was out of country and my mom was with my grandmom taking care of her as she was in a fragile health.
My brother was with me at Bangalore to see me off and so was my ex boyfriend and his warm loving family. Everyone around me was sad to see me go but I didn't care. All I could think of is taking the long flight to the amazing world which I has heard so many cool things about and being an American, living the American dream.

My super early morning 2 am flight was from Bangalore to Dubai and I was asked by the very pretty emirates flight attendant what I wanted for breakfast and the only veggie option on the menu was something called Okra. I am a eggeterian and chickeneterian but I was wary of trying those on an international flight. Now OKRA stumped me. I always though I had a good English and vocabulary (which of course I was proved so wrong after touch down) but Okra did not strike a bell though it said it was the only veggie option (with that green thingy on the menu card) available. I racked my brain to see if this word was lodged somewhere in my vocabulary but no results returned.
I was too shy and insecure to ask the flight attendant what okra was. I could see this running in her mind in case I did ask her what okra was  "Oh my God. How dumb could she be and from which part of the world is she coming from. Who doesn't know what okra is!! Oh yeah, she is from India. That makes sense."  I mustered up the courage, gave her a sleepy smile and told her that I would go for the okra dish and oh did I tell you that I talked to her in this fake accent which I was so trying to imitate. I still do that when talking to an American and I still cannot figure out why I do that. Is trying to talk in a fake American accent so cool and makes you feel secure, accepted and an American?
Anyways I had these weird visualizations of what okra would look and when it did arrive, microwave heated it was my very favorite the lady finger. That was the time I learnt an important English lesson and the word "OKRA"which is our "LADY FINGER".

So long enjoy the OKRA or the very amazing and pretty LADY FINGER.I know I am going to eat her today :-)

P.S: The brinjal is called the Eggplant here, the lift is the Elevator and yes there is no ground floor here. The ground floor is the first floor. So next time someone asks you to go take a shared taxi at the 2 floor, so not go to the 3 floor (ground, first and second floor in our indian territory) but go to the so called Indian territory's first floor. I have a funny incident to narrate on this which I would in my next blog.

Insecurities and me

I was tweeting yesterday about how Shots were the only thing that kept my insecurities at bay and someone told me that self consciousness stems out of insecurity.
But the question is are we not all self conscious. Is there anyone in this world who is not insecure and self conscious?
Is striving to remain a secure person not a sign of insecurity and why is it that people look down at insecure people to which my ex on twitter replies saying "just for the feel good factor I guess" and I feel that is right on.
 Show me one person in this world who is not insecure. You feel secure in a group of people who are terribly insecure of themselves and that makes you feel special and secure. You go meet another set of people and insecurity just seeps in.

Is it bad to feel insecure? Is being insecure make you a weak person and people oh so look down upon self proclaimed insecure and weak people.

I have been a very insecure person all my lifeand it feels weird to admit here on the blog that I still am. I was always the nerdy looking girl who had lots of friends but no boy friends what so ever. I still remember back in my school days there was a time when I used to pray to God to make me pretty and noticeable and make me boy friends. I was a good at academics and culturally inclined but who bothers. All someone looks at is how you look. If you are pretty, you have the highest probability of having a boy friend and nothing else matters. Every school has this group of really pretty girls who people like me feel "have it all". I always was aware that I need to do something about this insecure feeling that keeps gnawing at me and to feel good about myself I always used to think at the back of my mind that the only thing these girls have are good looks, good looks and good looks. I have my score sheet, marks cards with me and that once I get a job and earn I can change the way I look and become as pretty as they are. This thought kept me going but then I now realize how shallow I was. It was always a question of looking good and having boy friends and being popular. When you have none of these, you inevitably try to put in your energy in academics and the outcome is always a good score card which honestly never helps in the long run if you are from the Indian style run education system where its only theory that matters and nothing else.

Even in the academics side, I was never a brainiac. I was a very average brained girl who was good at theory and could score but even there I faced stiff competition. My rival, another girl who had a fantastic handwriting, always won at debates and always had a better score card that I did. There were many brainiac guys in my school too but my competition was with this gurl because I wanted to compete with someone from the same sex. The brainiac guys were always so out of my league and I knew I could never compete with them. So I rivalled with someone who had the same average brains that I had but again she was so much better than me. With her, the only consoling thought I had at the back of my mind was my dad was her dad's boss and that I was so much better than her.

Looking back at all this, I feel that I was such a shallow, terrible person but it sets me thinking if all of us are the same. All of us try to feel good about ourselves thinking about the bad things in others.
If we stop feeling good about ourselves, will there be any driving force/confidence which will help us move forward in life and try being a better person.

More than 10 years have passed since I passed high school but I still think things at the back of my end when meeting people for the feel good factor. Is it really so bad to think the way I do about other people just because I want to feel good about myself? Is it only me or so others do too?

Does looks matter so much to all of us? The days I wear torn jeans and hoodie makes me not so feel good and conscious and insecure while the days when I wear a dress or a skirt and have my hair all straightened and silky and falling on my face strutting in high heels or boots makes me feel I am the queen of the world and feel so good about myself and everything around me.

Is it just something in my head which makes me feel that I get stranger snubs when I am all jeans and hoodie while there are hordes of stranger stares and smiles when I am all decked up. Someone just told me that feeling good about yourselves soars your confidence to a totally new high and you feel everything around you to be amazing and happy and good, kind to you.
So does just looking good makes your confidence soar? Are looks so freakishly damn important and why oh why is a stranger stare or smile so important in making my good day the very best day.
Is it only me and my shallowness or are there others who are in their late twenties who think the same way I do and who haven't been come out of their high school mind phase. Is the "looking good and being popular in high school" bug still stuck to our skin. How do I rinse it off or do I still need to wait a few years for it to wear off???!!!

Time flies - 4 years

wow its been nearly 4 years since i last blogged..time sure flies..4 years I am a much matured sensible person now (i guess, i hope :-) )

when i first started blogging it was for attracting followers and i wanted to be all popular and cool and in fad but 4 years from then, things look a little different..i still wanna be popular (like a high school teenager which is stupid of course) but who doesn't wanna be known, liked, have followers.. its just the way we are made i guess..50 years from now, I think i will still be the same, same me etched under a stone..

i am still hoping somewhere in the deepest of deep corners of my heart that my blog becomes like super popular..but yes coming back to the little changed person i.e me post 4 years, i am trying less to be a wannabe and do something just for myself and not for anyone else..

that means i am going to stop googling for sophisticated classy words which makes me look oh so cool, oh so american..

i am here now to write what i feel, what i want to and not care what others would think of me, my english and what not..

i came back to blogging after my roommate suggested I put all my thoughts and day to day happenings in a blog for my future kids and grand kids and I thought I should do it for myself if not for my kids and grand kids (which may or may not happen)

I have moved to a new job now after being a slave to my previous and first job for lie 7 years..I am utterly grateful to my old job for giving me a ticket to live the american dream and then I decided that its about time I move on to something better and interested and of course try and earn a little more..
so here I am, in a room in north bay, a small oh so sophisticated place for the ones who have earned millions and wanna settle down somewhere classy and snobbish..

I haven't sensed snobbishness first hand but yeah the air reeks of it..It an all out american community and being an indian feels like landing in a whole new universe totally..I live in a constant feeling of people judging me and looking down on me..No one's actions have revealed that yet but I guess its all in my crazy little head..
I haven't yet seen or met anyone Indian here yet and it feels so so different from my south bay life..
my south bay life was mini india..everywhere indians and everyone indian..seeing an asian also makes you feel connected to india..its the feeling that we all are here from asia trying to live the american drream, trying to carve a small space in this amazing amazing american world..

my american roommate who by the time is a middle aged widower asks me whats so amazing in america..with the plunging economy, crazy shootings everywhere whats so wonderful about living the american dream and I have only one thing to say to her "you have had it all being born an american"..
I have dreamed my whole life coming to america, meeting an american, staying with them..
am I so obsessed living the american life or do all of us crave for this?? Is this just a crazy phase that will pass and then I would want to go back to India.. I dont think so..I see so many indians around who keep saying India is so much better than america and that why was I so crazy of living the american way, for all such people I have just one question to ask "why dont you go back to India then? Why you still here, trying to get your green card and citizenship? " ( ok that was way more than a question).

Ok I will come back to this again later. I was waiting on an email from work and now I need to go back to working (thats what I do better than the rest :) )

I will see ya tomorrow..

bloggging get set goooooooo

starting to blog again..was reading my old blogs..what crap man..guess i grow with every passing day..each time i indulge in reminiscing (yes guys i have used the word indulge because in this age of cut throat competition u never find time for urself) and then I am like what was I thinking that time and how stupid was I then..grow little every single day..work calls now..good night!!

just dont visit my profile

just dont visit my profile..please comment and encourage me so that i can keep on blogging for ever and ever and ever :-) :-) somethings gone wrong in this head of mine..

why did i start blogging..

must be many there who must be thinking why should i be interested in knowing why u started blogging but seriously i always used to think that only those people blog who are good at writing but then someone recently told me that blogging is just a way to express what u feel..the way u write, what you write naah doesnt matter..
so here i am and i am quite excited about it.. :-) :-)

My first blog

hey this is my very first blog..today my team organised a session not exactly the boring session types but a 2 way very interactive session on blogging, its benefits and etc etc etc and all this had me interested...so here I am with my very first blog..

The title seems catchy wat say ;-) Ek kahani rimi ke Zubani...hehehhe...okies fellas, ones interested please read my blogs, the one disinterested alt+F4 :-) :-)